Cindy begs to differ, “But they are not informational cards. They’re just playing cards. I don’t want our children to spend their time playing cards. And look, on the back of the deck is a chart, ranking the hands for poker.” 

     Stephen takes the deck from Cindy’s hand, and more closely inspects the deck of cards. Stephen’s mouth drops open with a character expression of astonishment. He speaks with a Kingly cartoon voice, “You’re right! This is not good! I shouldn’t have bought it.”

     Though Stephen agrees, he still fights an internal battle of not feeling encouraged with the decisions he makes. Stephen loses the battle within himself and tosses the cards on the roof of their house.

     Cindy doesn’t like that decision either, “You know, I’ve been reading a book that says one of the signs of real trouble is when your husband begins throwing things. And that’s not a very good example in front of the children either.”

     Stephen realizes he shouldn’t have thrown the cards, but still feels tense, “It wouldn’t be as bad, if you didn’t throw so much criticism my way, drawing attention to my faults in front of the children.”

     Leah is always aware, it seems, “Dad, why did you throw the cards on the roof?”

     Stephen explains, “Mom always said she wanted a deck on the house. Now we’ve got one.”
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     Stephen feels exhausted after his day off. He is not looking forward to going into work. He has a couple hours before he has to leave though. He finds an old cardboard box. He cuts a hole in it. That will be the stage. 

     Leah and Josiah take front and center, Shannon takes a back seat with the video camera. Shannon pretends not to be interested. She begins by video-taping Mom fixing lunch, then conveniently is in position when the show begins.

    Leah and Josiah laugh as Stephen’s thumb appears through the top of the box, which is actually the bottom turned upside-down. Stephen had drawn a face on his thumb, and his thumb announces the show. Then the fingers of both hands emerge, with faces drawn on each finger, “Hurray! Hurray!” They holler out like an audience.

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     Stephen has the index finger and middle finger on each hand taped together. Leah continues to smile and laugh. But a frown slowly emerges across Josiah’s face. 

      Josiah is meticulous, and is focusing in on something, “Daddy, take that tape off! Why do you have your two fingers taped?”

     It becomes an interactive show. Stephen continues his routine, weaving in an answer, “I’m the Daddy! I’m the Mommy! We always stick together. It may look like a piece of tape to you, but it’s God’s peace that really keeps us together.”

     Cody Komodo emerges out of the top of the box, “Leah is my owner. Do I stick with Leah? Do I need tape?”

     Shannon’s horse, Breeze, emerges, “No, you don’t need tape.”

     Cody: “I just stick with Leah? How long do I stick with Leah?”

     Breeze: “You stick with her as long as she wants.”

     Cody: “How long does she want?”

     Breeze: “Until she gets a ring on her finger, instead of tape.”

     Cody: “When does she get a ring, instead of tape?”

     Breeze: “When someone can comfort her better than Dad and you can.”

      Cody: “How do you know all this?”

     Breeze: “Because the same holds true for me and Shannon.”

     Cody: “Will she get a ring too, instead of tape?”

     Breeze: “Only when someone can comfort her better than Dad and me. But Dad doesn’t believe that will ever happen.”

     Cody: “Why is that?”

     Breeze: “Because Dad doesn’t believe anyone can love his children more than he does. He will always want to be the one who comforts them.”

     Cody: “Then they will never get a ring.”

     Breeze: “Well, that may or may not be true. You know, Dad also believes his children were given to him by One who loves them more than he does.”

     Cody: “Wait! I thought you said he believes no one can love his children more than he does.”

     Breeze: “Well, no one except God, of course. Dad believes God gave him his children because God knew he’d love them so much. But Dad also believes that if someone comes along that wants to comfort one of his children, the comfort better be the peace and comfort of God. Since it was God’s choice that Dad get his children, he must be convinced that it is God’s choice for that special someone who comes along.”

     Cody: “So, only if Dad is convinced it is God’s choice? Then he will allow them to get a ring?”

     Breeze: “That’s right.”

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      Freddy and Toady emerge next. But Cindy emerges from the kitchen before they get a chance to talk, “You already have a ring, but you get tape too.” 

     Cindy places a piece of tape over Stephen’s mouth, “What kind of subject matter is that for the children?”

     Cindy turns to Shannon, “I hope you weren't taping that!”

     Leah and Josiah laugh as Dad tries to talk with the tape over his mouth. Mom returns to the kitchen. Dad returns to his routine, but continues with a different subject matter.

     As Stephen gets ready for work, Cindy talks on the telephone. Shannon is video-taping Josiah as he does his own routine with the stage box. Leah is the only one who hugs Dad.

     As Stephen backs down the driveway, he sees Leah in the window. A few precious tears travel their course down Leah’s face. Gently and lovingly, she holds out the front leg of the Komodo, having Cody wave goodbye to Dad.

     An undetected Shannon video-tapes this. As Stephen disappears from view, a tear travels down his face, undetected. Camera aside, Shannon takes the mane of Breeze and wipes the tears from Leah’s face. Shannon then gives her sister a big hug.

     Leah looks into Shannon’s eyes, “That reminds me of when the woman used her hair to dry the tears she had cried on Jesus’ feet. Thank you, Shannon. I love you.”

     For the next hour, on his way to work, Stephen mulls over all his regrets. He is not oblivious to his failures, nor the solutions to them. Too vivid and too frequent are the times he has attempted to remedy the situation to no avail.

    Stephen can generate no good feelings. There is no real consolation for a situation like this. But if there was one, it would be that today is Casey’s day off.

     During report, they are told that the Director is on the unit. He is in an office down the hallway, talking to patients for his study. And he is not to be disturbed. There's a list of patients he wants to see and they're to be escorted to him, one at a time, as he calls for them over the phone.

     There is one extra note that Frank had left. Each worker reads the note and passes it on to his co-worker. The note is passed on without acknowledgment until it reaches Lisa Stone. 

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      Stephen is yet to see the note, but Lisa knows the others hadn't really read it. She reads aloud, "Everyone, except Casey, should be scheduled today. I asked Staffing Office to leave you with the extra worker. Please run a group on ‘Anger Management’.”

     Lisa quickly assesses the general disinterest, then turns to Stephen, “Stephen, can you help me run the group?”

     Tennessee Trucker attends the group. ‘Trucker’ is a man of few words, but his presence looms large. It would be ridiculous to say that anyone could upright a turned over semi-truck with their bare hands, but that’s what Trucker said he once did. He laughed afterwards, but the patients that had a loose grip on reality, believed it. Trucker just gave that sort of impression. Never before had Stephen seen anyone look so intimidating.

      It is a well known fact that Trucker doesn’t like groups, so most fear saying anything at all to make the group last longer …except Crazy Larry, of course. 

      For some reason, Trucker likes Crazy Larry. Crazy Larry can go on and on talking. That is fine with Trucker, as long as no one else says anything. 

     Crazy Larry carries on as if he were running the group, “As long as you defend your anger, you cannot acknowledge your guilt. If you don’t acknowledge your guilt, you cannot repent of what you’ve done. If you don’t repent, that means you don’t change. If you don’t change, that means you stay the same. If you stay the same, then you are still angry. You may not still feel angry inside. You may not feel any of those things you felt at the time of your angry outburst, but those feelings are still there. They will catch you off guard and attack you with more power than a lightning bolt ….and do a heap of damage to you and all those around you.”

     Larry’s voice has such intensity that everyone sits up straight in their seats, with fear in their eyes. It is as if Larry had experienced this very thing in a horrifying fashion. The room freezes, gripped with fear. The only calm is from Trucker’s smile. And that is not really much calming at all.

     Every patient fears Crazy Larry. Stephen isn’t sure why. It can be simply because Larry is so crazy. Or it could be simply the fact that everyone knows he is liked by Trucker.

     There isn’t much that Trucker likes. It is uncertain why he likes Crazy Larry. He hardly spends any of his day with Larry. He spends most of his time on his bed, but he doesn’t spend the time on his bed sleeping. He is a Trucker. He is used to spending most of his nights as a truck driver. So instead of sleeping, he will place his mattress on the floor, wedged under one end of the bed, with his feet under the middle of the mattress, and the other end curled back on his lap. This, of course, is while he sits on the bar at the head of his bed. 

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     The curiously curled back mattress provides a table of sorts that Trucker uses to play cards on. The metal bed, now without a mattress, he calls his flatbed truck.

     That’s all Trucker knew, was trucking. His dad was a trucker and as a boy he would ride with his dad. Then one day he became a trucker. His employment was sporadic however. He was often unemployed for brief periods, due to conflicts arriving from his unstable condition. While unemployed, he would resort to one thing ---playing Solitaire.

     He had seven decks of cards, each labeled for a different day of the week. His special system in arranging the decks of cards, enabled him in knowing what day of the week it was. And all night long, he would play Solitaire.

                                                                                         ***** 

      Stephen can’t think of one solitary thing he can do for Shannon’s birthday. Her birthday is coming up and she doesn’t accept anything he does. It’s been over four years now, without any visible progress in his relationship with Shannon. Stephen has had such a painful cycle of expectations and disappointments, he finds himself actually dreading the upcoming event. He doesn’t want to feel that way, but he doesn’t know what to do about it.

     Stephen stays up late, several nights in a row. He is thankful that everyone is sleeping so well, yet disappointed that Cindy has no clue about his recent struggle. But this is the life of an afternoon shift person. And it does provide opportunity for completion of the project, two days before Shannon’s birthday.

     The night before Shannon’s birthday, Stephen stops off at Meijers on his way home from work. He realizes they are hard to come by and out of season, so Stephen buys some authentic looking plastic poppy flowers. He buys a vase for them, and then for his final purchase he buys a live single long stem red rose.

     Stephen waits until he arrives home to place the red rose in the center of the arrangement. He places the vase on the dining room table, with no card to tell who the flowers are from. This is the way Stephen wants it.

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                                                                                     ******* 

       As Shannon’s birthday celebration begins, Stephen feels it will be a painful repeat of last year. He picks up the video-camera. He still feels like the outsider during events like this. Of course, he gives a warm welcome, and is received well by all the adults. But it is Shannon’s standoffish attitude towards him that creates the uneasiness. Actually, it would be a totally grand event for Stephen if it were not for the fact that the center of attention, is the one who is not about to give him any.

     Stephen loves Shannon. He loves when she gets to be the center of attention. He operates the video-camera. He can well-hide his emotions behind the video-camera. Maybe that is why Shannon tapes so much. Maybe she hides behind the camera too.

     Stephen video-tapes everyone’s arrival, inclusive of Fernye’s pinching of the cheeks and telling Shannon how cute she still is, another birthday not making a bit of difference in the cuteness factor. Stephen plans to tape the gift opening too, hoping there is one gift that will make a bit of difference.

     As the last gift to be opened reaches Shannon’s hand, Stephen wipes the lens, then realizing it is his own eye that has become blurred. 

     Shannon turns the gift over and over, but there is no tag telling who it is from. Shannon opens it up, “Oh, it’s a book! Kind of guessed that from the shape though. It’s called ‘The Princess and the Poppy ’. Come on, Leah and Josiah, I’ll read it to you.” 

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