************* 

      Cindy tries to sound convincing, “If I have one for the van, then you should have one for your car. You have a long drive and I’d feel better if you had a car phone too. And you have all that time on the road that could be translated into meaningful dialogue with the children. A lady from church says her husband prays for his children over the car phone on his way from work to the golf course.”

     Stephen is surprised, “I thought you were against talking on the car phone while driving.”

     Cindy insists, “I still think you should have a car phone, in case of emergencies.”

     Stephen catches himself. He shouldn’t have even attempted to dispute it. This will save him an explanation. Frank had asked him to get one, so he could do his reporting while driving to and from work. “Okay, I’ll get a cell phone.”

     The next day Stephen gets a cell phone. It is his day off. He charges it and tests it. Okay, that was easy.

     The following day Stephen leaves for work. Cindy feels bad because she had little chance to talk to her husband. She knows she had said she disagreed with people talking on their cell phones while driving, but one little exception can’t hurt.

     Cindy makes the call. The line is busy. 

     Now that really sets wrong with her. Why would he be on the phone? Who could he be talking to? 

      She paces back and forth a couple times, not recalling why she is going one direction or the other. She sits down, exhausted in thought.

     Cindy resorts to one of her usual quick-fixes. She tunes into the Christian radio station. Over the radio, “Today, we’re talking about pet names and pet peeves. So far you’ve lit up the airwaves with all your pet names. How about some pet peeves? Just because you are Christians doesn’t mean you can’t have pet peeves. Anything that bothers you, call it in. We’ve heard from enough nice couples. I know everything is not just paradise out there. Let’s hear some complaints.”

     Stephen is half way to work. And he just happens to tune-in too. Over the radio, “Okay, we’ve got Cindy on the line. Let’s hear some good complaints. We’re depending on you Cindy. What is it about your husband that really bothers you?”

     Cindy had run an errand with the car, and had it set on the Christian talk show station. Stephen didn’t much like the talk shows, but couldn’t quite tune it away quite yet.

                                                                                                277 

      Over the radio, “My husband is loving in his own way and does great things, but I can’t really stand it when he rebukes me. He says I have a lot of baggage I carry around with me from my past and he’s right about that, but I can’t stand him bringing it up. I think we need counseling, so we can learn how to talk to one another.” 

     The male host’s response, over the radio, “Sounds like you’re a very dedicated Christian wife who wants to do whatever she can to keep a troubled marriage together. I think counseling is the very thing you two need. How does your husband feel about investing in some counseling?”

     Female caller, “He’s against it. And he doesn’t like your talk show either.”

     Talk show host response, “Sounds like you’ve been hurt so many times, you probably already know what I’m going to say, don’t you?”

     Female caller, “What’s that?”

     Male host, “Bottom line, your husband has a real problem. If he’s against counseling, I’m afraid you have long-term trouble. I’ve done years of counseling, and this type disturbs me the most. There were a couple cases where I was angry enough to actually refer the case to someone else. I’d say you have a very controlling husband. The fact that he doesn’t want you to get any counseling shows me that he doesn’t want you to have a healthy relationship. He doesn’t want you to become healthy, period. Because if you become healthy, you may not want to have …anything to do with him. But as long as you stay as you are, he can control you. You have to put a stop to this now! This is emotional abuse of the highest degree. I’m glad you called. Stay on the line …I’m going to have someone talk to you and attempt to get you help, but before I transfer you, I’d like to ask you one more question. Did your husband ever tell you why he doesn’t like Christian talk shows? He wouldn’t tell you the real reason, would he?”

     Female caller, “Oh yes, he said he can’t stand the way you offer advice before even hearing the full story. He said you don’t even ask questions to seek out the truth …and that good advice is a secondary issue with you. You just love to entertain, and it doesn’t matter whether it is the correct advice. You just love to control the airwaves.”

     Stephen smiles. He turns off the radio. He thanks God for his family. 

                                                                                     ********************* 

     Laura is at the checkpoint going into work. She is the fourth person in line. Stephen is the fifth, “Hi Laura. How did work go yesterday?” 

     Laura turns around. She is not smiling, “It’s a long story. One you may not want to hear.”

     Just then, the next four file in at the checkpoint. Stephen is first in line now. He feels an awkward presence. He turns sideways to find Casey standing behind him in line. He doesn’t know whether he wants to say anything or not, but the words slip out, “You worked yesterday, didn’t you Casey? In short, what's the long story Laura says I don't want to hear?”

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      There is a slight hesitation which naturally allows time to focus in on one another. Their eyes meet. The familiar cold stare, vacant of feeling, returns. Casey lets his eyes do most of the talking, “In short, Laura is no longer working on the special unit.”

     Casey’s eyes have that indescribable look ...the look that most would not want to describe. Stephen thought Casey had smiled, but upon second evaluation he realizes that Casey’s mouth is forming no expression at all. It is his eyes that are smiling. They radiate that sense of sick satisfaction, finding victory in others’ torment.

     Stephen tries not to add an edge to his voice, but is not too successful, “Why is Laura no longer working with us?”

     Casey’s eyes attempt to penetrate Stephen’s. It is an intimidating look, saturated with a sense of personal satisfaction, “Who’s to tell? Maybe tomorrow it will be you!”

     Stephen forces a smile, “You never can tell, can you? Really, it’s all in God’s hands.”

     Stephen knew that last comment really agitated Casey. He could see Casey’s fist clench up before he turned around. Stephen visualizes Casey’s heart clenching up also.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

                                                                                      XIII                                                                 


     Many things happen when we distance ourselves from the truths of God. The part of our mind which we call our heart, clenches, or closes tightly. When it closes tightly, it guards against opening up to the truth. Without the truth, an unbelievable variation of things can happen …all bad. But also undetectable to most of us. Tragically, most of us find it desirable, that which exhibits unclear foreseen danger. But even with the truth, we can distance ourselves by focusing off center.

     Ken really enjoyed the game of baseball. Once he began coming to church on a regular basis, his focus changed. He saw all the attached worldly influences. But he knew God was using him to provide a testimony to those who enjoyed the game as he did.

     Ken is excellent at telling a story, or giving a message at church. He speaks with enthusiasm, “Peripheral vision is good, but try hitting a tennis ball or a baseball by using peripheral vision. In the game of baseball, once the batter steps up to the plate, there has to be an intense central focus. To succeed in hitting the ball, this focus is critically vital. Once that focus is achieved and the ball is hit, the batter becomes a runner. Then the focus can change. The runner must see many things to be a successful runner. The runner must see how effective the fielders are and also follow the bases and be sure not to pass up any of the other base runners.”

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      Ken has a baseball in one hand, and a glove on the other. He works the ball into the glove pocket as he talks, “Some would consider life a game also, but do not realize how really critically vital it is to maintain that central focus. Often peripheral vision renders us ineffective. One definition of the word ‘peripheral’ states that it is only slightly connected with what is really essential or important. But once we hit upon the truth, we become one of God’s runners. We must follow the basis of what He has set up. And be sure not to pass up another runner. We are to work together, not to see if we can outrun one of our teammates. But I don’t want to throw you a curve ball. There is a big difference too. Make sure we are in the same ballpark on this one. Remember, in the Christian life, we are not to be in competition with others. When we hit upon a truth, we’d want them to catch it. But if they don’t catch it, be sure to let them know what the score is ...we should always know what the score is."

     Ken laughs. He smiles big, happy to be running the race, “We should all focus on the truth. Then we can become runners. And we run and run and run . . . .until we get home.”

     Stephen overhears a conversation. Ray introduces himself to a new couple at church, then lovingly motions for his wife, who is holding their newborn son, “I’d like you to meet my better half.”

     Stephen wonders how his own relationship with Cindy has gotten so off base. He imagines how he, or perhaps Cindy, would introduce each other. Would they say, “better half ” or “bitter half ” ? 

      But he doesn’t have time for introductions. Stephen has to rush home. He barely has time to change clothes and eat.

     Shannon scrapes her plate, ridding it of what she considers the bitter half of her meal. She likes salmon, but obviously not the experimental herbs and spices. 

      Leah is about to do the same with her plate, when Cindy blurts out, “You’re not supposed to waste food! If you’re not going to eat it, you shouldn’t have taken it.”

     Then the biggest reason comes out. Cindy adds, “We seldom get salmon and you just throw it away. You could’ve said something. You know salmon is my favorite.”

     Leah had been listening intently, “Oh, Mom, you can have mine.”

     Cindy praises her generosity, “Oh, thank you, Leah!” 

     Cindy takes two bites before Leah adds, “I dropped that one on the floor, but it’s okay, the dog licked it clean.”

     It’s proper to laugh with someone, not at someone. But since Cindy is not laughing, Stephen can’t laugh with her. Instead, he has his private chuckle on his way to work. 

     They hadn’t even said their goodbyes. Stephen had left for work with Cindy still in the bathroom gargling with Listerine.

     Stephen finishes his chuckle, then tunes into the radio station. It is on a different radio station, but a Christian station, nonetheless.

                                                                                                   280 

     Over the radio: “We’re on the air with ‘Spouse Talk’. Our subject today is kissing. What State reminds you of your state of mind when you think of your spouse’s kisses? And why? And do remember, this is a Christian radio station!”

     The seventh caller: “My name is Louis and as you may guess, my state is Louisiana. But that’s not why. My wife is an excellent cook. Her kisses are like a complete banquet. And I’d like to add, I like mine a bit spicy.”

     Host: “Okay, we’ve heard from the Cajun kisser. Anyone else?

     Eight caller: “My name is Bev. My husband’s kisses remind me of the Dakotas, the one with Mount Rushmore. When I try to kiss him it’s like a stone face.”

     Host: “Okay, that was kind of different. Trying to carve out a kiss. Anyone else? We’ve got forty-two states to go.”

     Nineth caller: “My name is Barry. My wife’s kisses are like the state of Alaska. She’s cold and distant when we kiss.”

     Host: “Okay, we won’t go any further into that. I can feel the chill right through the telephone. Anyone else?”

     Tenth caller (talking slow) : “M—y n—n—n—ame is S—s—st—eeven. W-w-h-at y-yoo s-s-say-y?”

     Host: “Hello, Steven. Glad you tuned in. We’re talking about kisses. Are you married, Steven?”

     Steven (hesitates) : “Y-y-ye-ah. I --I --I l-l-i-k-ke-e-r-r k-k-kis-s-sses.”

     Host: “Well, that’s great, Steven. Thanks so much for calling.”

     Steven: “W—w—w—wa—ait, y—y—oo t—t—tr—r—ry.”

     Host: “Okay, Steven. What State or state of mind, am I in when my wife kisses me? Well, we are usually on the couch. I tend to be a couch potato, at times. So I’d have to say, Idaho, the Potato State.”

     Steven: “R—r—r—o—ck—er—r—r.”

     Host: “What was that, Steven?”

     Steven: “R—r—r—o—ck—er—r—r.”

     Host: “Oh, you said, rocker. You’re saying you like to kiss in the rocker? I sit on the couch, but you sit in the rocker?”

     Steven (talking fast): “No, I’m saying you guys are off your rocker. I listened the other day, and more and more you guys are talking about politics …and not just the traditional areas, such as opposing abortion." 

      Host (interrupting): "We're not talking about politics today, Steven." 

      Steven: "Yes, I have to give you credit …today is not politically oriented, it's just pure nonsense!" 

      Host: “Okay, we’ll give this caller the infamous goodbye kiss. It's rather sad when someone insists on being outright miserable. Only room for being serious, and no room for fun-loving moments?  But let's not let Mister Misery ruin our fun here." 

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    At least one listener thinks the last caller was rather funny. 

     Cindy laughs. 

     And she knows what he was saying about the talk show being too political. That last show was not about defending the faith …but rather about defending water-boarding. We are not to defend it, just because others do worse. The standard is not to be in comparison to others …the standard is Jesus.


    Cindy has much to consider. She turns off the radio. Maybe she and Stephen are off their rocker too. They don’t even laugh together anymore. Stephen and the children laugh all the time …at least Stephen, Leah, and Josiah. Poor Shannon, she doesn’t laugh. She’s just like Mom. Neither of them is in the program.
     Cindy puts in one of the home videos that Shannon had taped. She watches the television screen as Stephen plays with the couple of stuffed animals Leah and Josiah got from Grandpa. 

     Stephen is so funny. What a great routine he puts on! 

     She laughs …then she cries. What a great routine she and Stephen put on!                      

                                                            XIV                                                                      

                                                                                                                   

    It is Stephen’s day off. Cindy is in the shower. Stephen knows the routine. Next she will do her hair. Too much of the day has passed. The children don’t like the routine either. Too much anticipation looms about having to go somewhere. 

    Stephen decides to help lessen the load. He helps get Leah and Josiah dressed.
Cindy emerges from the bathroom, “Where did you get those clothes?”     Stephen realizes his help is not truly appreciated, “That bag you got from church.” 

    Cindy cringes, “I love you, but you have no taste in clothes.”


    Stephen builds his defense, “Love has nothing to do with taste in clothes, nor does it contain a 'but ’.”


    Cindy challenges, “Love has to do with appreciation. And you should appreciate my contribution towards good taste. I assume you don’t want our children to grow up being laughed at.”


    Stephen doesn’t let up either, “No one with good taste would laugh. One of your all-time favorite childhood movies, ‘The Sound of Music’, had the Van Trapp family dressed in curtains.”


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     Cindy dismisses the point, “That was just a fun movie. It might be okay for girls, but how would our son feel if you dressed him in a curtain?”


    Stephen persists, “Is everything just appearances? Are we to pay no attention to the man behind the curtain?”


    Cindy frowns, “Not one of my childhood favorites, that one!”


    Stephen agrees, “Mine neither. I was afraid of the flying monkeys. Why did I even mention that one? Why are we even having this conversation? Can you tell me?”


    Cindy struggles to find the words, “Stephen, if you could change one thing to make us healthier, what would it be? And don’t say our clothes.”


    Stephen is thinking about Shannon’s birthday coming up. He thinks of the hurt he feels from not being close with Shannon. Stephen thinks aloud, “If I could change one thing to make us healthier, what would it be? Well, when I leave for work each day, I’d like all of you to stand in the front doorway or at the window by the driveway ...and wave goodbye to me.”


    Cindy feels hurt. She was thinking of her and Stephen, husband and wife, not the health of the children. But maybe they can focus on that as a common need. 

     She focuses on the children, “I was at a resale shop the other day. They have some really cute outfits. The children hardly have anything to wear. I was wondering if we could stop there and get them some clothes.”


     Stephen especially feels self-conscious about supplying for his family. And he just received his first big paycheck from working on that specialty unit. He wants to buy all the children new clothes, but how would he explain the sudden increase in cash flow? 

     Stephen is thankful that Cindy never asks to see the check, and lets him handle all the finances, “Of course. Don’t ever hesitate to tell me the children are in need of something.”


     As they make it to the resale shop, most of the clothes are picked over. Cindy is having a difficult time finding anything she likes. She doesn’t want Stephen to think it is a waste of time, so she feels she has to purchase something.


     Cindy reflects back on how well Stephen plays with the children. Stephen goes through his routine, limited to only three characters, each child having one stuffed animal apiece.

     There is a bin with miniature stuffed animals at the front of the store, near the cash register. Josiah’s eyes study each animal, as he tries to make the appropriate sound.


     Leah recalls the game she plays with Dad, looking at tags and finding out what country makes different things. Leah enjoys Dad’s version of tag.


     Leah reads each tag, “Made in China. Made in China. Made in China. Made in China. Made in China. Made in China.”


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      All the miniature animals pile up on the floor as the bottom of the box strives to reveal itself. 

     At this point, Cindy interjects, “Slow down and take your time! Each of you can choose one …that’s it!”


     Stephen nears Cindy’s side, “I remember not that many years ago, you were against buying the children any of these.”


     Cindy is quick to point out the difference, “That’s because it was a craze back then. I didn’t want them to get used to following the rage, desiring to have what everyone else has. But we’re not following worldly trends. It’s not a fad anymore.”


     Stephen smiles, “So, we can consider ourselves late bloomers?”


     Shannon quickly makes her choice, “The horse …it’s adorable.” The obvious choice for Shannon, but Leah and Josiah are having a difficult time choosing.


     Josiah, who almost always has asked Mom’s opinion for everything, is now in a transition stage. Josiah looks up to Dad with those soft dark eyes, “Dad, will you help me choose?”


     Stephen kneels down on one knee and props Josiah up on his other knee, “Well, Josiah, everybody likes Teddy Bears. I think this little miniature bear is cute.”


     Cindy had always felt Stephen had the affections of Leah, but now that Josiah is turning to Dad too, Cindy can only feel left out. She doesn’t plan out her words, they just come out, “Now, we don’t have to go the trendy bear route, do we? I never did understand how a bear could be chosen to represent the affections of children. I certainly wouldn’t want our children growing up thinking bears are snuggly creatures. If we’d go out West to one of those National Parks, we’d be careful not to be mauled by one of those beasts.”


    Cindy looks through the box, then emerges with a cute little blue frog. Cindy makes the frog leap, “Now this one is very cute. And harmless too.”


    Stephen whispers, “Oh yes, the poison dart frog.”


    Cindy hears the comment, “Well, you don’t like us leaving the State, let alone vacation in a tropical climate. It doesn’t have to be a dart frog. It can be a kind and gentle frog …one who has just finished eating a blueberry pie.”


    Leah sees the tension between Dad and Mom. She doesn’t want them to be dissatisfied, “I’ll take the cute little bear, Dad.”


    Leah whispers something in Josiah’s ear, to which Josiah responds, “I want the blue frog, Mom.”


    Cindy sees the sign which reads: Buy 5 and get a free gift. She quickly grabs two more of the miniature stuffed animals, “I think these are adorable.” 

     She hands them to Stephen, “Here, you can pay for them. I’ll load the children in the van. Don’t forget to get a free gift. And make sure it’s something good.”

                                                                                                  284 





      Cindy and the children are eagerly waiting in the van, “What did you get for a free gift?”


     Stephen reveals, “I got a book about amphibians and reptiles. Not my favorite, but I thought you might like to read to the children all about the adorable creatures you chose.”


     Cindy ignores Stephen’s sarcasm, “Good choice!” And she begins to thumb through the book to locate the ones she had chosen.


     As usual, Josiah’s enthusiasm speaks with volume, “I want the red toad.”


     Cindy attempts to referee, “That’s actually a red frog. I know red is your favorite color, but I wanted both you and Leah to be able to have a frog.”


     Sometimes children work things out for themselves, and actually come up with better solutions than well-meaning parents. Leah turns to Josiah, “Josiah, your favorite color is red and my favorite color is blue. How about you give me the blue frog and you can have the red frog.”


     Josiah quickly agrees, “Okay, but mine is a red toad, not a frog.”


     Shannon insists, “He’s actually a frog, Josiah. But how about you call him Toady ...Toady the frog.”


     Josiah agrees, “Thanks, Shannon.”


     Leah claims the other, “I want the blue reptile.” Leah is also quick to realize how uneven that would be, “You can have my bear, Josiah.”


     Josiah agrees, then turns to Shannon, “What’s bear’s name?” 

     Shannon offers, “How about Barry? Then you can have Toady and Barry.”


     Leah suddenly realizes, “Shannon, you only have one!” 

     Shannon smiles, “Thanks for noticing, Leah, but I’ve got my favorite. You each can have two.”


     Leah also realizes Shannon’s cleverness in picking out names, “Thanks, Shannon. What would be a good name for mine?”


     Shannon doesn’t put much thought into it. She is usually quick to answer, “How about Freddy the frog? And the blue reptile is actually a Komodo dragon. How about Cody Komodo?”


     Leah’s eyes light up, “Thanks, Shannon.” And she begins to play with Josiah.


     When they arrive home, Cindy notices something else in the bottom of the bag as she gets things together, tidying up the van. Cindy turns to Stephen, “What’s this?”


     Stephen is still thinking about the bear versus dart frog discussion, “It’s a deck of cards. They have a cute picture of a bear on the back of each one. I figured since I bought an amphibian-reptile book, I could get something to go with the bear. The bear cards were only a nickel.”


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