The Director sips a final sip of coffee, “Each of you are to wait here until you are personally escorted down the hall for drug-testing.”

     The Director leaves the room. Stephen is overwhelmed by all of this. Lisa Stone is the first to be escorted down the hallway. Stephen just sits there. He doesn’t talk to anyone. He drifts off in thought. 

     Soon Stephen realizes that he is the last one left in the room. The Director re-enters. He puts in an instructional video, then wheels the television stand over to the door. The television is facing the door.

     He pulls up a chair directly across the table from Stephen, “Do you know who I am?”

     Stephen chooses his words carefully, “You’re the Director of Mental Health.”

     The Director leans forward, “But do you remember my name?”

     Stephen leans back, “Sorry, I’m not very good with names. I did hear your name once or twice before, but I don’t recall you giving us your name today. I felt perhaps you did that intentionally, establishing dominance or perhaps intimidation.”

     The Director leans back, “I want the truth. You are not that impressed with me, are you? Nor do you feel I can do a good job with this program. You feel this will be another waste of the government's money, don’t you?”

     Stephen leans forward and clasps his hands on the table in front of him, “Well, it’s not that I’m not impressed with you. I’ve just met you and I haven’t had the opportunity to get to know you. And as far as this program goes, it could have a lot of potential, but I’m not convinced that all the dynamics have been set up. It’s just that I’ve worked many years through so many well-intended programs and there always seems to be something that prevents it from going right. I’m just not convinced.”

     The Director smiles, “I’m not convinced either.”

     Stephen has yet to smile, “You’re not convinced I should be in the program?”

     The Director laughs, “Not convinced? You’re perfect!”

     Stephen raises an eyebrow and takes a deep breath, “Perfect? To be honest with you, I'd be relieved if you chose someone else. I don’t quite get the meaning of the television against the door. Is this so top secret that you can’t risk someone overhearing our conversation? I feel like there’s something bigger you haven’t told me. And frankly, I don’t ...that’s your name, Frank. I remember now, Frank Bodin.”

      Frank smiles, “The more I talk with you, the more I’m convinced you’re the man for the job.”

      Stephen looks directly at Frank, “What about the others?” 

      Frank’s smile disappears as quickly as it had come, “Okay, I’ll be curt with you. Your job will not be the same as the others." 

                                                                                              266 

      Stephen looks into Frank's eyes, looking for further explanation, which Frank's quickly gives, "I believe you are one of the best workers I have. Part of the study I’m doing is not just the uniqueness of each prisoner’s case. I’m also doing a federal study on the dynamics of a prison from the standpoint of the effect caused by the influence of a few bad workers. The cameras installed on the unit will serve a dual purpose. One purpose is to provide safety and security, inclusive of financial protection, guarding against lawsuits. With Casey on the unit, it would normally not be long before a legitimate lawsuit is filed. But the cameras will provide at least a temporary deterring factor, I believe. So, I believe Casey will initially hesitate from involving himself in his usual confrontations with the prisoners. I believe he will first start with Laura. Laura is not as assertive as Lisa. Casey will likely begin with intimidating Laura and get the support of the male workers, other than yourself. The three men I’ve chosen for the unit are actually followers. They will follow Casey’s example and assist him in getting Laura moved off the unit. I will allow that to happen. Casey will probably feel that with Laura gone, Lisa will be his, to be had at any moment. My guess is that he will bypass Lisa and focus on you. You will probably be the main focus from the beginning. Everyone hates a worker like you. And a video-camera does not provide enough testimony without the direct support of a worker. That’s where your function comes into play.”

     Stephen sits forward, resting on his elbows and holding a fist within his other hand, “I don’t know if you’re trying to make me out as a spy or a guinea pig. I like coming to work and doing my job. I like to be a nobody …I bother nobody, and nobody bothers me.”

     Frank insists, “But that’s impossible with someone like Casey. He’s guaranteed to bother you.”

     Stephen wonders, “So, he’s going to bother someone ...I guess it might as well be me. Would that satisfy your study then?”

     Frank leans forward in his seat, looking into Stephen’s eyes, “When this facility opened, we had an excellent interview and selection process. We got only good workers. But as time went on, the ones who didn’t get the job, realized the difference between the ones who did. They began telling others how to respond to the interview. They fooled us and we got some bad workers. Those bad workers pressured many of the good workers into quitting. Now we have an entirely different workforce.”

     Stephen interjects, “Maybe I should join the others and quit too.”

     Frank smiles, “You can’t! I mean, I don't believe you will. You have a sense of obligation towards your family. And you will be a tremendous help to my study.”

                                                                                                267 

      Frank pauses, then continues with his assertiveness, “I want you to get a car phone. That will be your reporting time, during your hour and a half drive home. I want you to get a separate phone, in case I have to reach you. And before you say no, I’m giving you half the money I receive for doing the study. That should more than double your wages. I know you can’t be bought. That’s why I’m just offering it to you. It’s a gesture of good faith.”

     Stephen leans back in his seat, “You're right …I’m not interested in the money. I’d prefer out of this project.”

     Frank leans back also, “Remember that family you are supporting. You owe them a good life. I’m giving you the avenue to provide for your family.”

     Stephen straightens up in his seat, “You can spin all that garbage about sense of responsibility and providing for my family. Money is not the most a person can provide. It’s being a Dad that’s important. And often money lessons that potential when that’s the main focus.”

     Frank tries to convince, “There’s one thing in your character that convinces me that you’ll take my offer. You believe that no one should have to work with someone like Casey. And the last part of my study is to attempt to do that which I’m not sure can be done. I want to see if Casey can be changed.”

     Stephen raises both eyebrows, “Change Casey? I don’t believe that to be possible.”

     Frank smiles, “You are a Christian. Isn’t one of your main beliefs that we should all be a witness ….and your heart’s desire is for people to change?”

     Frank doesn’t wait for an answer. He jumps right back into his psychological progression, “After they pressure Laura out, if I’m correct, Casey will try to turn the other men against you. If he's successful in getting rid of you, he will probably then try to set up the very ones who helped him. He will probably encourage them to man-handle the prisoners and see if there is any follow-up from the monitoring. Then, if they get away with it enough, he will probably be convinced that he can resume the abusive ways he is accustomed to with the prisoners. But I’m already convinced he will do that. My study is to see if you can create such an atmosphere on the unit that your co-workers will follow your example, not Casey’s. Then the biggest challenge is to see if you can change Casey. If Casey can find no one to follow him, my first guess is that he will resort to doing nothing, letting everyone else do the work. But someone like Casey won’t be satisfied long with that. He is more anti-social than most of the prisoners. I’ve seen your success in working with the anti-social prisoners. So, now comes the biggest challenge ---Casey. I know you’d rather Casey just get fired, but I’m not doing that. See if you can change Casey. That is what I want you to focus on doing.”

                                                                                              268 

      Stephen is overwhelmed, “So, it’s my Christian commitment you are testing. Ultimately, you feel I’d be more interested in Casey’s salvation. But I know the work rules here. My beliefs are to be left out of the workplace ---a popular interpretation of separation of church and state.”

     Frank adds, “Your belief in God is not to be preached in word, but it can be by example.”

     Frank allows that thought to sink in, as he gets up to pour himself another cup of coffee, “Stephen, you’re the most honest person I’ve ever met. You’d be honest to the extent of even jeopardizing your own job. I’ve looked over your record. For fifteen years, you never used a sick day. But you are a man of responsibility also. When your wife was bedridden before she had Leah, you used sick time to be with her. Yet when your son, Josiah, was born your wife did well. You could've been dishonest about it and burned up some of that seemingly unlimited sick time you have, but you didn’t. You're always on time to work. And you don’t leave early with the rest of your co-workers at the end of the shift. Those are a few reasons why I believe you’re perfect for the job.”

     Stephen insists, “I’m not perfect! I was just taught a good work ethic.”

     Frank laughs, “Oh, you’re humble too!”

     Stephen refutes that too, “If I thought I was, I wouldn’t be.

     Frank returns to his main convincing points, “As much as you don’t like conflict and confrontation, I realize you’d prefer it be eliminated. Your job is not to help eliminate Casey, but to help eliminate his behavior.”

     Frank takes a long sip of coffee, “I want to see if we can make a workable model to work towards lessening this sort of development, not only in prisons, but on police forces as well.”
     Stephen laughs, "I think I'm beginning to understand. Just because I'm a Christian …that's what this is all about, isn't it? Is your study really what you say it is, or are you writing a thesis on the absurdity of Christian values? All this talk about how perfect I am …you really chose me because you see some obsessive-compulsive behavior in me, don't you? And you think I justify those behaviors because I'm a Christian. Do I also get bonus points if I chew every bite of food twenty times? And what if I don't step on any sidewalk cracks? You could say my religion is mixed with paranoia and superstition. Did my co-workers help stage this? Is this some sort of joke? Is someone going to suddenly appear and tell me ---I'm on Candid Camera?" 

      Frank rolls his eyes, "I'm the Director of this facility; have I nothing better to do than amuse myself by playing practical jokes on people?" 

      Stephen concedes, “Okay, I'm going to go along with this. I’ll probably regret it, but as you say, my Christian beliefs wouldn't allow for regrets either, now would they? And besides, who am I to question the seemingly ridiculous? That's the nature of psychology anyway, isn't it? And I knew that when I first hired in. Besides, this may prove to be rather entertaining. And we'll see in the end, who the real joke is on.” 

                                                                                               269 

      Frank whispers in a low tone, “One last thing …you must tell no one, not even your wife.”

     Stephen halfway scoffs at that request, still not believing this silly game, “Why not my wife?”

     Frank looks straight into Stephen’s eyes, “Is your wife friends with Lisa Stone?”

     Stephen admits, “Lisa has confided in my wife on a couple occasions. Lisa was on the prayer-chain.”

     Frank shakes his head, “I can’t risk it. She may slip. You must give me your honest word. If you do, I know you’ll keep it. Your honesty is the main reason I chose you. I must have a total guarantee that you will speak to no one about this arrangement.”

     Stephen laughs to himself. Not even telling his wife? Has the Director been playing marbles and lost all his? He's acting like he's involved in a top secret government project, not just a psychological study.

     A phone rings. It half startles Stephen.

     Frank stands up, “Just a minute please.”

     He picks up the phone. The first few seconds are spent in silence. You can see the tension build across Frank’s face, “No, I didn’t forget! I’ll be there.”

     Stephen feels there's no end to this charade. Now it appears he's even staging a phone call to make it appear real. Does it really matter though, after all, he's on the clock and making money. Our government really knows how to waste the taxpayers money. 

      Frank hangs up the phone, but the tension still resides in his voice, “I’m sorry. That was my daughter, asking if I remembered the rehearsal dinner this evening.”

      Frank pauses before offering his opinion, “You’re married and have young children. My advice to you is to cherish the moments while they are young.”

     Frank takes a deep breath and continues as if thinking aloud, “My only child …getting married this weekend. I’ve always wanted the best for her, but do you know who she is marrying? A guy who runs a gas station and garage.”

     Stephen welcomes the change of subject, “Has she known him long?”

     Frank is in deep thought, “Well, not really. How do you really know someone?”  

     He draws a deep breath, “The garage used to be run by his dad. I would always bring my car to his garage when I needed repairs. It’s difficult to find someone who cares about the customer and runs an honest business.”

     Stephen is about to make a point, but Frank drifts in thought, “She’s got so much potential. She could have anyone she wants, but no, she’s going to marry the guy from the corner gas station. It was only last June that the bombshell was dropped. Our daughter took my wife and I to a restaurant to announce their engagement. And how does he show up? In his coveralls ….can you believe it, he shows up in his coveralls!”

                                                                                                  270 

      Stephen empathizes, “You really love her, don’t you?”

     Frank softens, “She’s all I’ve got.”

     Stephen reassures, “I’m sure she’s a lot like her daddy. Don’t sell yourself short. I’m sure you’ve prepared her well.”

     Frank stiffens, “If I’d prepared her well, she wouldn’t be getting married this weekend. Anyway, back to our arrangement. Can you give me your word that you will tell no one?”

     Stephen levels his eyebrows, “By the way, why is it that you said you’re offering me this arrangement?”

     Frank settles back, “Because I believe you are the most sincere and honest person that works here.”

    Stephen steers the conversation, “Let me ask you this ...would you trust me with working on your car?”

     Frank looks at Stephen with wide eyes. But before Frank can say anything, Stephen drives home his point, “I guess trust is a hard thing to figure. And how often do we really devalue it, allowing other elements of character to take its place? I have two daughters at home. They are far from the age I'd be imagining who they'd choose to marry. But yes, it would be hard to discern whether I'd be more content if they'd marry an honest gas station attendant, or perhaps an aspiring young man in law enforcement, perhaps the future Director of this facility."

     Stephen drives home after work that evening. He had agreed to the arrangement. He isn’t sure about his decision, but he had given his word. 

                                                                                    *******************
     Cindy is still somewhat hurt by what she would call Stephen’s insensitivities. And that feeling travels to other areas, even those areas she felt she had conquered. One of those feelings is in regard to the dog. The old feelings boldly return, with no regard for good intentions, nor even professed ones. She points to a dog across the street from the church, “Look at that dog ...it has no fence and it just sits in the yard.” 

     Stephen begins to walk across the street. Cindy calls after him, “Where are you going?”

     Stephen retraces his steps to get out of the road, yet still faces the road, looking for another opportunity to cross, “I’m going to talk to the owner of that dog.”

     Cindy gives the go-ahead, “I do believe the owner is the reason the dog is so well-behaved. Ask the man if he owned the dog since it was a pup. And I also heard of lots of people who let their dogs sleep with them. Ask him about that.”

                                                                                             271 

     Stephen returns to the van, “I agree with attachment-parenting, but that applies only to our children. The Bible says man is not to sleep with an animal.”

     Cindy finds no authority in his interpretation, “That’s Old Testament. Besides, you don’t sleep with the dog, the dog sleeps with you.”

     Stephen opens the van door, “I might be in the doghouse over this one, depending on what the man says. I don’t think I want to talk to the man. Not if it’s going to provoke that sort of discussion.”

     Cindy insists, “No, go ahead. I’m curious about what the man will say.”

     Stephen closes the van door, “Curiosity? Now were talking about cats. Well, …as you wish, here I go!”

     As Stephen walks across the street, neither he nor Cindy realize they are repeating past behaviors. Cindy is acting with emotion on a notion, and Stephen is defending himself over the notion. The only difference this time around is that they are being polite to one another, at least so far.

     Neither he nor Cindy realize how careful and prayerful they have to be to prevent themselves from slipping right back to where they were before.

     Cindy is surprised how soon Stephen is returning. Maybe the man was not too friendly. But he must be, seeing how well his dog is mannered. Stephen probably didn’t ask the question she wanted him to ask.

     Stephen quickly reports, “His dog stays so obediently in the yard because he has one of those invisible fences buried beneath the ground. And I didn’t want to shock him by asking him if he sleeps with his dog. That’s rather personal. So, here I am, your roving reporter, or rover reporter, back from assignment.”

     Cindy gets defensive this time, “So, you’re happy with the notion of training the dog by shock treatment? It fits with your Old Testament belief of sparing not the rod.”

     Stephen defends himself, “I didn’t say that. You live with me ...you of all people, know that I’m not at all like that. How is it that we can agree on the definition of a Christian, but in the actualities of how to be one, we seem to struggle so much?”

     Both Stephen and Cindy have fallen into it again. Sometimes it seems like it could go on and on. But Stephen has to exit the conservation early. He has to busy himself with getting ready for work.

     Meanwhile, the struggle between Stephen and Cindy does not fall upon Shannon with none effect. As Stephen leaves out the door for work, Shannon’s internal struggle takes on an outward appearance. She has not only her own struggle, but feels she’s caught between two parents. But since she doesn’t interact at all with dad, she begins to take out her frustrations on Mom.

     Cindy feels she is losing control of Shannon, at times. She had picked up several more parenting books. The one she was presently considering, sited the point of view that grounding the child is not good. The book explains how sending your child to the bedroom leads to an isolated spot where more negative thinking can spawn. That can lead to outright rebellion. 

                                                                                                 272                       

     Cindy continues to read and doesn’t say anything to Shannon, who sits for a minute or two, watching Mom get absorbed in the book, before going to her bedroom.

     Cindy feels overwhelmed. Her sweet Shannon had never been a source of frustration. But she knows Shannon is not the source. The books will show her the source …and the solution.

     Whether the books are going to provide the solution or not, Cindy is going to try. She is looking for something new. The past new books became old, but there are always some new books. The old never seem to work for very long.

                                                                                          ******* 

      Cindy is reading the newest book when Stephen wakes up the next morning. 

     When Stephen enters the room, it is as if the pause button had been pushed before he'd left for work the previous day, because as soon as he enters the room, the pause button is released again.

     Cindy unleashes all her emotion, “I suppose you believe in the Izzo philosophy?”

     Stephen had just awaken, but is rested and also prepared for another round, “It’s brought him much success …and a National Championship.”

     Cindy is prepared to challenge on any level, whether it makes sense or not, “I thought you didn’t measure success by such standards?”

     Stephen relaxes a bit, “I don’t, that was just an observation.” 

     Cindy relaxes a bit, realizing what had been said, “What are you talking about …National Championship?”

     Stephen clarifies, “Izzo is Michigan State University’s basketball coach. You’re probably talking about the person who wrote the book, entitled, Raising Children God’s Way."

     Cindy corrects him, “You mean, …growing kids.”

     Stephen makes light of it, “Growing, raising ---same thing. Sounds like crops. I think I’ll write my own book and call it, Loving Children by God’s Example."

     For a rare instance, he has Cindy’s attention, “How’s that?”

     Stephen is thrilled that she actually appears relaxed and attentive, “I believe that every relationship we have here on earth, God has given for the purpose of teaching and growth. God gave us a living example. Each person in the Bible is a living example, as the true story of God unfolds, beginning with ‘In the beginning...’. As God taught them, I also believe it is an example of how we should teach our children. It began with a garden of Eden, where everything was provided. There was no immediate need unfulfilled.”

                                                                                               273

     Stephen makes eye contact with Cindy. He is pleased to see he is still holding her interest, “As children begin to walk and venture about, they need to learn what they can and cannot touch …their forbidden fruit, per se. We can gain much understanding on how to raise our children if we read how the children of God were treated in the Bible, by their loving God. We get to the maturity of all this at the cross …with Jesus’ sacrifice. And I believe that marriage should be bonded within the beauty of the understanding of God’s sacrifice. With the growth and understanding of God’s sacrifice of sending us His Son, it is at this point, that I believe God expects us to sacrifice. But the sacrifice He expects of us is not the type of sacrifice He gave, in giving of His Son. God’s sacrifice was a sacrifice unto death, for our life. I believe God expects most of us to only sacrifice unto life, for life. For the life of our children, that is. I believe we are to sacrifice for our children, in a continual giving of ourselves.”

     Cindy feels sorry that she'd accused Stephen of those other things. She sees Stephen’s true character here. This is why she loves him. This is why she’d married him. 

     Cindy listens with a loving heart as Stephen expresses his, “We are to sacrifice together as husband and wife, often putting our needs and desires aside, to meet our children as God has met us. It is a sacrifice expected of us, not of our children. And as Jesus said to forbid not the children to come unto him, I feel we are not to be so structured that they cannot come unto us. And if they can’t come unto us, then we should come unto them, as equally as we would like Him to come unto us when we call.”

     Cindy joins the thought, “I know that call …when the baby is hungry and can only be satisfied by Mom’s nurturing and milk.”

     Cindy reflects back on those moments, "But I also saw Leah's face when you had to go back to work after having that vacation for Josiah’s birth. She had been drinking of the joys and comfort of what Dad has to offer. And as you drove down the driveway past the window, I saw her face. It was a face of torment. She did not understand why you were leaving. It was as if to say, 'Why have you forsaken me?' When Jesus was on Calvary, He had never before experienced separation from His Father. But death is separation. If death was to be complete, there had to be separation. Sin is separation from God. And Jesus took sin into death, for us. Even in saying it, I question whether I am saying it right. But I’m feeling it right. And I know that’s the important thing. I know who my Savior is. And I know I have a difficult time making His desires, my desires. But I know that the few times I attempt to do that, I feel I more fully understand the depth of His love.”

     Cindy is about to say a thing or two more about Dad's role, but Stephen jumps in. He hadn’t read into what more Cindy was about to say. His own thoughts were becoming book length, “We must bring our children back to the garden of Eden. Our children will sooner or later experience what sacrifice is. But I believe it is our initial responsibility, beginning at birth, to teach them nurturing, love, and constant communion. We must give them as much of that as we can. That’s what I believe God’s desire for us is …to give our children, what He has given us.” 

                                                                                                     274

     Cindy had wanted to say she was sorry. She feels sorry the way she had talked to Stephen earlier ---and yesterday. Actually, many days and quite often. But each of them had focused more on what they had to say about a particular subject than on what they should have said to one another. 

                                                                                            ********

     Stephen is prepared to witness the unfolding of what Frank had told him was going to happen. But it doesn’t quite happen that way. Casey is extremely polite to Lisa and Laura. And Casey takes much initiative to make that first day, a day of pleasant introductions. Casey gathers all thirty patients together for a meeting.

     The patients walk into the room, some in an almost catatonic state. Stephen has seen this sort before, throughout his career in Mental Health. But usually, it is after a very violent episode, where the Doctors are called upon to institute medical restraints.

     Many of the patients appear highly medicated, even over-medicated perhaps. Open mouths, drool, and shaking are all evident. Perhaps they felt the patients needed to be adequately medicated, at least until the unit stabilized. After all, this is an extremely high profile unit and particularly dangerous.

     From Stephen’s few encounters with working with Casey, he saw Casey as liking danger. And Casey had appeared to thrive on conflict. This is the kind of unit he would really enjoy working on, but presently he is being nice.

     Casey politely introduces himself and his co-workers to the patients, then opens it up to them, “I’m going to go around the room and call off each of your names, so I can see who is who. You can give me the correct pronunciation of your name if I mess it up, or what you’d like to be called. Then I have a Karaoke machine that our unit was given. I can’t stand Karaoke, but this is your unit, not mine.”

     Casey goes all around the room to the last person. He calls out the name, “Larry Leper”.

     Larry stands up. “Everyone calls me Crazy Larry. My whole life, as far as I can remember, I’ve been called Crazy Larry. There are three Larry’s on this unit, but I’m the only one who is really crazy. And I’d like to be the first to sing a song.”

     Larry quickly selects a tape out of the dozen or so. He grabs the microphone as Casey puts the tape in. 

      Stephen seldom listens to music, and certainly not this type, so he doesn’t recognize the song, but he recognizes the type of song. It begins with a loud beat, to which Larry begins to make guttural sounds, like a rap song.

     The most severely catatonic patients rise to their feet, and begin to sway, almost catching the rhythm. Then suddenly the music takes them over. 

                                                                                                   275 

      It is almost as scary as it would appear comical. But Stephen finds the disturbing aspect of how something can take a person over like that. The rigid, awkward movements suddenly become wonderfully, or frighteningly, rhythmic.                                                                                                             

                                                                                                                                                            Crazy Larry sings:

“You may not know my name, but I’m the man from Maine. 
 Not street, but State, …a delusional state. 
 I’m the insane from Maine, but that’s not my name. 
 My claim to fame is by another name. 
 They call me, Crazy Larry.

Cra—Cra—Cra-Cra—z—z— zy Larry. 
Not Barry, Gary, Harry, or Jerry, 
but Cra—Cra—Cra—Cra— a—z—zy Larry. 
Yes, you heard me right, it's Cra-Cra-Cra-a-z-zy Larry.


In the world, all people are just his and hers.
But here we’re not just patients, but prisoners.
You have to deal with the likes of me
And Trucker here, from Tennessee.


     Post a special beware …for Delaware
     And feel the misery …of Missouri.
     If perhaps you tire …of New Hampshire,
     Don’t ask a ---man from Nebraska,
     Nor the idiot savant …from Vermont.
     
      There are many of us schizofrantic 
      Who travel the coast of the Atlantic,
      But if you really want to get Pacific about it,
      There’s more corny in Californy,
      And much ill noise in Chica-go.


But most of your aches and pains
Will come from me, the Insane from Maine.
Just call me Crazy Larry,
Cra—Cra—Cra—Cra—a—z—zy Larry.


       Now don’t get me wrong, as I sing this song,
       Some of us have been locked up so very long.
       But by your design we’ve landed here, 
       And some of us have those we call near and dear. 

So there’s one question I’d like to ask, 
To answer it is not a difficult task: 
How’d you like it if you weren’t free 
And you lost your place in the family tree?”

                                                                                          276                                                                  

                                                                                     ************* 

      Cindy tries to sound convincing, “If I have one for the van, then you should have one for your car. You have a long drive and I’d feel better if you had a car phone too. And you have all that time on the road that could be translated into meaningful dialogue with the children. A lady from church says her husband prays for his children over the car phone on his way from work to the golf course.”

     Stephen is surprised, “I thought you were against talking on the car phone while driving.”

     Cindy insists, “I still think you should have a car phone, in case of emergencies.”

     Stephen catches himself. He shouldn’t have even attempted to dispute it. This will save him an explanation. Frank had asked him to get one, so he could do his reporting while driving to and from work. “Okay, I’ll get a cell phone.”

     The next day Stephen gets a cell phone. It is his day off. He charges it and tests it. Okay, that was easy.

     The following day Stephen leaves for work. Cindy feels bad because she had little chance to talk to her husband. She knows she had said she disagreed with people talking on their cell phones while driving, but one little exception can’t hurt.

     Cindy makes the call. The line is busy. 

     Now that really sets wrong with her. Why would he be on the phone? Who could he be talking to? 

      She paces back and forth a couple times, not recalling why she is going one direction or the other. She sits down, exhausted in thought.

     Cindy resorts to one of her usual quick-fixes. She tunes into the Christian radio station. Over the radio, “Today, we’re talking about pet names and pet peeves. So far you’ve lit up the airwaves with all your pet names. How about some pet peeves? Just because you are Christians doesn’t mean you can’t have pet peeves. Anything that bothers you, call it in. We’ve heard from enough nice couples. I know everything is not just paradise out there. Let’s hear some complaints.”

     Stephen is half way to work. And he just happens to tune-in too. Over the radio, “Okay, we’ve got Cindy on the line. Let’s hear some good complaints. We’re depending on you Cindy. What is it about your husband that really bothers you?”

     Cindy had run an errand with the car, and had it set on the Christian talk show station. Stephen didn’t much like the talk shows, but couldn’t quite tune it away quite yet.

                                                                                                277 

      Over the radio, “My husband is loving in his own way and does great things, but I can’t really stand it when he rebukes me. He says I have a lot of baggage I carry around with me from my past and he’s right about that, but I can’t stand him bringing it up. I think we need counseling, so we can learn how to talk to one another.” 

     The male host’s response, over the radio, “Sounds like you’re a very dedicated Christian wife who wants to do whatever she can to keep a troubled marriage together. I think counseling is the very thing you two need. How does your husband feel about investing in some counseling?”

     Female caller, “He’s against it. And he doesn’t like your talk show either.”

     Talk show host response, “Sounds like you’ve been hurt so many times, you probably already know what I’m going to say, don’t you?”

     Female caller, “What’s that?”

     Male host, “Bottom line, your husband has a real problem. If he’s against counseling, I’m afraid you have long-term trouble. I’ve done years of counseling, and this type disturbs me the most. There were a couple cases where I was angry enough to actually refer the case to someone else. I’d say you have a very controlling husband. The fact that he doesn’t want you to get any counseling shows me that he doesn’t want you to have a healthy relationship. He doesn’t want you to become healthy, period. Because if you become healthy, you may not want to have …anything to do with him. But as long as you stay as you are, he can control you. You have to put a stop to this now! This is emotional abuse of the highest degree. I’m glad you called. Stay on the line …I’m going to have someone talk to you and attempt to get you help, but before I transfer you, I’d like to ask you one more question. Did your husband ever tell you why he doesn’t like Christian talk shows? He wouldn’t tell you the real reason, would he?”

     Female caller, “Oh yes, he said he can’t stand the way you offer advice before even hearing the full story. He said you don’t even ask questions to seek out the truth …and that good advice is a secondary issue with you. You just love to entertain, and it doesn’t matter whether it is the correct advice. You just love to control the airwaves.”

     Stephen smiles. He turns off the radio. He thanks God for his family. 

                                                                                     ********************* 

     Laura is at the checkpoint going into work. She is the fourth person in line. Stephen is the fifth, “Hi Laura. How did work go yesterday?” 

     Laura turns around. She is not smiling, “It’s a long story. One you may not want to hear.”

     Just then, the next four file in at the checkpoint. Stephen is first in line now. He feels an awkward presence. He turns sideways to find Casey standing behind him in line. He doesn’t know whether he wants to say anything or not, but the words slip out, “You worked yesterday, didn’t you Casey? In short, what's the long story Laura says I don't want to hear?”

                                                                                                    278 

      There is a slight hesitation which naturally allows time to focus in on one another. Their eyes meet. The familiar cold stare, vacant of feeling, returns. Casey lets his eyes do most of the talking, “In short, Laura is no longer working on the special unit.”

     Casey’s eyes have that indescribable look ...the look that most would not want to describe. Stephen thought Casey had smiled, but upon second evaluation he realizes that Casey’s mouth is forming no expression at all. It is his eyes that are smiling. They radiate that sense of sick satisfaction, finding victory in others’ torment.

     Stephen tries not to add an edge to his voice, but is not too successful, “Why is Laura no longer working with us?”

     Casey’s eyes attempt to penetrate Stephen’s. It is an intimidating look, saturated with a sense of personal satisfaction, “Who’s to tell? Maybe tomorrow it will be you!”

     Stephen forces a smile, “You never can tell, can you? Really, it’s all in God’s hands.”

     Stephen knew that last comment really agitated Casey. He could see Casey’s fist clench up before he turned around. Stephen visualizes Casey’s heart clenching up also.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

                                                                                      XIII                                                                 


     Many things happen when we distance ourselves from the truths of God. The part of our mind which we call our heart, clenches, or closes tightly. When it closes tightly, it guards against opening up to the truth. Without the truth, an unbelievable variation of things can happen …all bad. But also undetectable to most of us. Tragically, most of us find it desirable, that which exhibits unclear foreseen danger. But even with the truth, we can distance ourselves by focusing off center.

     Ken really enjoyed the game of baseball. Once he began coming to church on a regular basis, his focus changed. He saw all the attached worldly influences. But he knew God was using him to provide a testimony to those who enjoyed the game as he did.

     Ken is excellent at telling a story, or giving a message at church. He speaks with enthusiasm, “Peripheral vision is good, but try hitting a tennis ball or a baseball by using peripheral vision. In the game of baseball, once the batter steps up to the plate, there has to be an intense central focus. To succeed in hitting the ball, this focus is critically vital. Once that focus is achieved and the ball is hit, the batter becomes a runner. Then the focus can change. The runner must see many things to be a successful runner. The runner must see how effective the fielders are and also follow the bases and be sure not to pass up any of the other base runners.”

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      Ken has a baseball in one hand, and a glove on the other. He works the ball into the glove pocket as he talks, “Some would consider life a game also, but do not realize how really critically vital it is to maintain that central focus. Often peripheral vision renders us ineffective. One definition of the word ‘peripheral’ states that it is only slightly connected with what is really essential or important. But once we hit upon the truth, we become one of God’s runners. We must follow the basis of what He has set up. And be sure not to pass up another runner. We are to work together, not to see if we can outrun one of our teammates. But I don’t want to throw you a curve ball. There is a big difference too. Make sure we are in the same ballpark on this one. Remember, in the Christian life, we are not to be in competition with others. When we hit upon a truth, we’d want them to catch it. But if they don’t catch it, be sure to let them know what the score is ...we should always know what the score is."

     Ken laughs. He smiles big, happy to be running the race, “We should all focus on the truth. Then we can become runners. And we run and run and run . . . .until we get home.”

     Stephen overhears a conversation. Ray introduces himself to a new couple at church, then lovingly motions for his wife, who is holding their newborn son, “I’d like you to meet my better half.”

     Stephen wonders how his own relationship with Cindy has gotten so off base. He imagines how he, or perhaps Cindy, would introduce each other. Would they say, “better half ” or “bitter half ” ? 

      But he doesn’t have time for introductions. Stephen has to rush home. He barely has time to change clothes and eat.

     Shannon scrapes her plate, ridding it of what she considers the bitter half of her meal. She likes salmon, but obviously not the experimental herbs and spices. 

      Leah is about to do the same with her plate, when Cindy blurts out, “You’re not supposed to waste food! If you’re not going to eat it, you shouldn’t have taken it.”

     Then the biggest reason comes out. Cindy adds, “We seldom get salmon and you just throw it away. You could’ve said something. You know salmon is my favorite.”

     Leah had been listening intently, “Oh, Mom, you can have mine.”

     Cindy praises her generosity, “Oh, thank you, Leah!” 

     Cindy takes two bites before Leah adds, “I dropped that one on the floor, but it’s okay, the dog licked it clean.”

     It’s proper to laugh with someone, not at someone. But since Cindy is not laughing, Stephen can’t laugh with her. Instead, he has his private chuckle on his way to work. 

     They hadn’t even said their goodbyes. Stephen had left for work with Cindy still in the bathroom gargling with Listerine.

     Stephen finishes his chuckle, then tunes into the radio station. It is on a different radio station, but a Christian station, nonetheless.

                                                                                                   280 

     Over the radio: “We’re on the air with ‘Spouse Talk’. Our subject today is kissing. What State reminds you of your state of mind when you think of your spouse’s kisses? And why? And do remember, this is a Christian radio station!”

     The seventh caller: “My name is Louis and as you may guess, my state is Louisiana. But that’s not why. My wife is an excellent cook. Her kisses are like a complete banquet. And I’d like to add, I like mine a bit spicy.”

     Host: “Okay, we’ve heard from the Cajun kisser. Anyone else?

     Eight caller: “My name is Bev. My husband’s kisses remind me of the Dakotas, the one with Mount Rushmore. When I try to kiss him it’s like a stone face.”

     Host: “Okay, that was kind of different. Trying to carve out a kiss. Anyone else? We’ve got forty-two states to go.”

     Nineth caller: “My name is Barry. My wife’s kisses are like the state of Alaska. She’s cold and distant when we kiss.”

     Host: “Okay, we won’t go any further into that. I can feel the chill right through the telephone. Anyone else?”

     Tenth caller (talking slow) : “M—y n—n—n—ame is S—s—st—eeven. W-w-h-at y-yoo s-s-say-y?”

     Host: “Hello, Steven. Glad you tuned in. We’re talking about kisses. Are you married, Steven?”

     Steven (hesitates) : “Y-y-ye-ah. I --I --I l-l-i-k-ke-e-r-r k-k-kis-s-sses.”

     Host: “Well, that’s great, Steven. Thanks so much for calling.”

     Steven: “W—w—w—wa—ait, y—y—oo t—t—tr—r—ry.”

     Host: “Okay, Steven. What State or state of mind, am I in when my wife kisses me? Well, we are usually on the couch. I tend to be a couch potato, at times. So I’d have to say, Idaho, the Potato State.”

     Steven: “R—r—r—o—ck—er—r—r.”

     Host: “What was that, Steven?”

     Steven: “R—r—r—o—ck—er—r—r.”

     Host: “Oh, you said, rocker. You’re saying you like to kiss in the rocker? I sit on the couch, but you sit in the rocker?”

     Steven (talking fast): “No, I’m saying you guys are off your rocker. I listened the other day, and more and more you guys are talking about politics …and not just the traditional areas, such as opposing abortion." 

      Host (interrupting): "We're not talking about politics today, Steven." 

      Steven: "Yes, I have to give you credit …today is not politically oriented, it's just pure nonsense!" 

      Host: “Okay, we’ll give this caller the infamous goodbye kiss. It's rather sad when someone insists on being outright miserable. Only room for being serious, and no room for fun-loving moments?  But let's not let Mister Misery ruin our fun here." 

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    At least one listener thinks the last caller was rather funny. 

     Cindy laughs. 

     And she knows what he was saying about the talk show being too political. That last show was not about defending the faith …but rather about defending water-boarding. We are not to defend it, just because others do worse. The standard is not to be in comparison to others …the standard is Jesus.


    Cindy has much to consider. She turns off the radio. Maybe she and Stephen are off their rocker too. They don’t even laugh together anymore. Stephen and the children laugh all the time …at least Stephen, Leah, and Josiah. Poor Shannon, she doesn’t laugh. She’s just like Mom. Neither of them is in the program.
     Cindy puts in one of the home videos that Shannon had taped. She watches the television screen as Stephen plays with the couple of stuffed animals Leah and Josiah got from Grandpa. 

     Stephen is so funny. What a great routine he puts on! 

     She laughs …then she cries. What a great routine she and Stephen put on!                      

                                                            XIV                                                                      

                                                                                                                   

    It is Stephen’s day off. Cindy is in the shower. Stephen knows the routine. Next she will do her hair. Too much of the day has passed. The children don’t like the routine either. Too much anticipation looms about having to go somewhere. 

    Stephen decides to help lessen the load. He helps get Leah and Josiah dressed.
Cindy emerges from the bathroom, “Where did you get those clothes?”     Stephen realizes his help is not truly appreciated, “That bag you got from church.” 

    Cindy cringes, “I love you, but you have no taste in clothes.”


    Stephen builds his defense, “Love has nothing to do with taste in clothes, nor does it contain a 'but ’.”


    Cindy challenges, “Love has to do with appreciation. And you should appreciate my contribution towards good taste. I assume you don’t want our children to grow up being laughed at.”


    Stephen doesn’t let up either, “No one with good taste would laugh. One of your all-time favorite childhood movies, ‘The Sound of Music’, had the Van Trapp family dressed in curtains.”


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     Cindy dismisses the point, “That was just a fun movie. It might be okay for girls, but how would our son feel if you dressed him in a curtain?”


    Stephen persists, “Is everything just appearances? Are we to pay no attention to the man behind the curtain?”


    Cindy frowns, “Not one of my childhood favorites, that one!”


    Stephen agrees, “Mine neither. I was afraid of the flying monkeys. Why did I even mention that one? Why are we even having this conversation? Can you tell me?”


    Cindy struggles to find the words, “Stephen, if you could change one thing to make us healthier, what would it be? And don’t say our clothes.”


    Stephen is thinking about Shannon’s birthday coming up. He thinks of the hurt he feels from not being close with Shannon. Stephen thinks aloud, “If I could change one thing to make us healthier, what would it be? Well, when I leave for work each day, I’d like all of you to stand in the front doorway or at the window by the driveway ...and wave goodbye to me.”


    Cindy feels hurt. She was thinking of her and Stephen, husband and wife, not the health of the children. But maybe they can focus on that as a common need. 

     She focuses on the children, “I was at a resale shop the other day. They have some really cute outfits. The children hardly have anything to wear. I was wondering if we could stop there and get them some clothes.”


     Stephen especially feels self-conscious about supplying for his family. And he just received his first big paycheck from working on that specialty unit. He wants to buy all the children new clothes, but how would he explain the sudden increase in cash flow? 

     Stephen is thankful that Cindy never asks to see the check, and lets him handle all the finances, “Of course. Don’t ever hesitate to tell me the children are in need of something.”


     As they make it to the resale shop, most of the clothes are picked over. Cindy is having a difficult time finding anything she likes. She doesn’t want Stephen to think it is a waste of time, so she feels she has to purchase something.


     Cindy reflects back on how well Stephen plays with the children. Stephen goes through his routine, limited to only three characters, each child having one stuffed animal apiece.

     There is a bin with miniature stuffed animals at the front of the store, near the cash register. Josiah’s eyes study each animal, as he tries to make the appropriate sound.


     Leah recalls the game she plays with Dad, looking at tags and finding out what country makes different things. Leah enjoys Dad’s version of tag.


     Leah reads each tag, “Made in China. Made in China. Made in China. Made in China. Made in China. Made in China.”


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      All the miniature animals pile up on the floor as the bottom of the box strives to reveal itself. 

     At this point, Cindy interjects, “Slow down and take your time! Each of you can choose one …that’s it!”


     Stephen nears Cindy’s side, “I remember not that many years ago, you were against buying the children any of these.”


     Cindy is quick to point out the difference, “That’s because it was a craze back then. I didn’t want them to get used to following the rage, desiring to have what everyone else has. But we’re not following worldly trends. It’s not a fad anymore.”


     Stephen smiles, “So, we can consider ourselves late bloomers?”


     Shannon quickly makes her choice, “The horse …it’s adorable.” The obvious choice for Shannon, but Leah and Josiah are having a difficult time choosing.


     Josiah, who almost always has asked Mom’s opinion for everything, is now in a transition stage. Josiah looks up to Dad with those soft dark eyes, “Dad, will you help me choose?”


     Stephen kneels down on one knee and props Josiah up on his other knee, “Well, Josiah, everybody likes Teddy Bears. I think this little miniature bear is cute.”


     Cindy had always felt Stephen had the affections of Leah, but now that Josiah is turning to Dad too, Cindy can only feel left out. She doesn’t plan out her words, they just come out, “Now, we don’t have to go the trendy bear route, do we? I never did understand how a bear could be chosen to represent the affections of children. I certainly wouldn’t want our children growing up thinking bears are snuggly creatures. If we’d go out West to one of those National Parks, we’d be careful not to be mauled by one of those beasts.”


    Cindy looks through the box, then emerges with a cute little blue frog. Cindy makes the frog leap, “Now this one is very cute. And harmless too.”


    Stephen whispers, “Oh yes, the poison dart frog.”


    Cindy hears the comment, “Well, you don’t like us leaving the State, let alone vacation in a tropical climate. It doesn’t have to be a dart frog. It can be a kind and gentle frog …one who has just finished eating a blueberry pie.”


    Leah sees the tension between Dad and Mom. She doesn’t want them to be dissatisfied, “I’ll take the cute little bear, Dad.”


    Leah whispers something in Josiah’s ear, to which Josiah responds, “I want the blue frog, Mom.”


    Cindy sees the sign which reads: Buy 5 and get a free gift. She quickly grabs two more of the miniature stuffed animals, “I think these are adorable.” 

     She hands them to Stephen, “Here, you can pay for them. I’ll load the children in the van. Don’t forget to get a free gift. And make sure it’s something good.”

                                                                                                  284 





      Cindy and the children are eagerly waiting in the van, “What did you get for a free gift?”


     Stephen reveals, “I got a book about amphibians and reptiles. Not my favorite, but I thought you might like to read to the children all about the adorable creatures you chose.”


     Cindy ignores Stephen’s sarcasm, “Good choice!” And she begins to thumb through the book to locate the ones she had chosen.


     As usual, Josiah’s enthusiasm speaks with volume, “I want the red toad.”


     Cindy attempts to referee, “That’s actually a red frog. I know red is your favorite color, but I wanted both you and Leah to be able to have a frog.”


     Sometimes children work things out for themselves, and actually come up with better solutions than well-meaning parents. Leah turns to Josiah, “Josiah, your favorite color is red and my favorite color is blue. How about you give me the blue frog and you can have the red frog.”


     Josiah quickly agrees, “Okay, but mine is a red toad, not a frog.”


     Shannon insists, “He’s actually a frog, Josiah. But how about you call him Toady ...Toady the frog.”


     Josiah agrees, “Thanks, Shannon.”


     Leah claims the other, “I want the blue reptile.” Leah is also quick to realize how uneven that would be, “You can have my bear, Josiah.”


     Josiah agrees, then turns to Shannon, “What’s bear’s name?” 

     Shannon offers, “How about Barry? Then you can have Toady and Barry.”


     Leah suddenly realizes, “Shannon, you only have one!” 

     Shannon smiles, “Thanks for noticing, Leah, but I’ve got my favorite. You each can have two.”


     Leah also realizes Shannon’s cleverness in picking out names, “Thanks, Shannon. What would be a good name for mine?”


     Shannon doesn’t put much thought into it. She is usually quick to answer, “How about Freddy the frog? And the blue reptile is actually a Komodo dragon. How about Cody Komodo?”


     Leah’s eyes light up, “Thanks, Shannon.” And she begins to play with Josiah.


     When they arrive home, Cindy notices something else in the bottom of the bag as she gets things together, tidying up the van. Cindy turns to Stephen, “What’s this?”


     Stephen is still thinking about the bear versus dart frog discussion, “It’s a deck of cards. They have a cute picture of a bear on the back of each one. I figured since I bought an amphibian-reptile book, I could get something to go with the bear. The bear cards were only a nickel.”


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